The Meaning of a Poke

What the heck does it mean when you get "poked" on Facebook? If I imagined seeing a friend at the mall and I walked up and jabbed them in the side with my index finger and walked away, what did that mean!? I really don't like getting poked in real life. I'm not a jumpy guy. In fact, it's kinda hard to scare me or make me jump. But a poke in the short ribs definitely elicits a spontaneous reaction that looks like a 1 second clip of a funky tribal dance. (Oh, and a word of warning, some people who are well trained in combat arts, would respond, not spontaneously, but unconsciously, from years of training, with an index finger joint lock followed by the sound of the poker thumping on the floor. Lesson? Don't poke police officers.)

My take is that the Facebook "poke" is the online equivalent of a "how ya doing?". But is that a good thing? Tell you what, next time you're in your car on a weekday between 9am and 12pm, tune into 630 CHED on the AM dial. You'll hear what's called talk radio. I haven't quite figured out the phenomenon of talk radio. People tune in quite religiously. And participate quite vigorously. Here's the quirk. Virtually without exception every caller, when they hear "Line 1 you're on the air. What's on your mind?" will reflexively respond with "Hi . How ya doing?" or some equivalent. 99.8% of the time! Now, you may not call in to talk radio, but how about when you see someone in the hall? Or when your spouse calls you? Or you walk into your dentist office?

Here's my question. What does it mean? When you see me at the school and you ask "how are you?", what are you really asking? Is it just reflexive? Are you REALLY interested? Are you ready to hear that my mom is ill and my van got broken into? Are you ready to hear that I'm NOT doing well? Ever had someone say "not very good"? What do you do with that?

As for me and my house, I want conversations that go beyond "how are you?". And if I want to know how you are, I want to know exactly what the question asks. HOW are you? As in, what state is your life in right now? How is your HEART, your feelings, your spirit? How ARE you? Not how WERE you yesterday, but how has yesterday made you better or worse today? Not how WILL YOU be when you finally get your hair done tonight but where is life taking you that you're scared of or excited for? How are YOU? Not how your dog is doing but what you're feeling because your dog is at the vet. Not how your test went but why you are concerned or confident. Subtle, yes. But the goal of our interactions with each other should be SINCERITY and AUTHENTICITY.

Next person to ask me "how are you" gets poked. :)

Now watch. First thing I'm going to say when I see someone at work today is "how are you?"!!

Going where called,
Doing what is asked.

Doug